The Best Solution to Global Warming!

I don't know about you but for me the phrase "Global Warming" is getting to a level of "word fatigue" that is close to "War on Terror" "Weapons of Mass Destruction" and "Muslim extremist". I'm sick of hearing about it every fucking day.

I particularly hate it when some preachy, natural fibre wearing, smooth skinned, middle class twat with a messianic complex writes abook about it. I've lost count of the amount of books that bang on about the dangers of global warming. If you care about the environment that fucking much then prove it by sparing the millions of trees that will be cut down in order to make the pages, spare the earths atmosphere the huge emmissions that come from the paper mill that will be caused, stop heating up the planet with the exhaust fumes from the lorries that will deliver your work to the shops, or the adverts that require us to leave our Tv sets on and waste energy...just fuck off basically, if you are that concerned then find a chalk cliff and write on the face of it in your own shit, at least that way i know you've got integrity.

However, if you've written a book that denies Global Warming or questions the causes of it then you can publish a book, and use a font so massive that you needlessly waste tonnes of paper, use a highly toxic and poisonous ink and sell it with a promise that for every book sold 1 gallon of oil will be chucked in the sea. Maybe then people will start to take you seriously.

This is the problem with Global Warming, it's not that people find it confusing and it's nothing to do with a lack of concern for the planet, it's the fact that not caring about it will make you a fuck sight better off than caring deeply for it. The people who claim that GW is something that is going to happen and has always happened, without any/much of it down to human activity, have a very powerful weapon within their argument that Eco-friendly GW activists don't have...that's less tax increases and less extra effort to put in.

In this world today we are taxed on and for everything from Air travel, Bins, Councils, Drinking, Education fees, Facist regimes abroad, GM food, Housing, Income, Jeffery Archers 4 years, Keeping animals, London's doomed Olympics, Motorised transport, National "health" service, Oil, Police service, Quango's, Religion, Space missions, Transport services, Unemployed on benfits, Vivisection clinics, Wars, Xmas, Yearly Interest rates and right up to the Zionist propaganda to promote terrorist state Israel....and much more on top of that!

All these costs put together can make you realise why people are dismissive of GW and don't take an interest in it, doing so would mean more taxes and making the effort to seperate out your rubbish for recycling...and no-one wants to do that, most don't really have the time to and all would rather the council did it for us which is why we pay them taxes in the first place.

The other problem with GW is more a question of integrity, morality and high ethical standards which you don't want to compromise or have questioned. But that is what will happen if you embrace GW, because doing so means you have joined forces...with...THEM! Who?...THEM!...FUCKING HIPPIES!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it's hard to accept...i know you think there must be another way...i know that this is possibly the hardest thing you've ever been asked to do in your life ever! You think of all those times you've taken the piss out of a or several Hippies, you recollect all the insults and jokes and derisory laughter which you hurled at these people, they are nothing more than deluded, anally rententive, spoilt, pretentious, lazy, Left wing facists with savage B.O. stupid clothes, mountains of pubic hair and serving less purpose on this earth than the AIDS virus...who it turns out, after 40 years of whinging and farting, were right all along...Can you bring yourself to admit it? I fucking can't! But here's the good news...You don't have to because I have a much better strategy to deal with GW and it keeps both sides happy.

The Right say that GW is something that we cannot stop, it's just the Earths natural cycle of change which has happened since the beginning of time, the ice caps have melted and reformed 6 times in the past, that only 2-3% of all carbon emissions in the atmosphere are the result of human activity and that means no matter what I or anyone else does nothing is gonna change...ok.

The Left say that whilst GW is a natural process it has been speeded up to a dangerously high rate, the ice caps are melting faster and as a result sea levels have risen and will continue to do so, animals are becoming extinct faster, sea temperatures are rapidly increasing, the depleting oil reserves should be used more wisely and more efficiently, recycling is mandatory, cars must be more fuel efficient and we have to act now and if we don't then our grandchildren and great grandchildren will all be paying the price for our excesses...ok

So here's the deal. I will continue to do nothing about GW at all, in fact I will actively force myslef to waste more energy, burn more fossil fuels, fly short haul, do no recycling what-so-ever and leave every electrical appliance I have in the house turned on 24/7/365 including appliances which i never use or require at any point of my life. This should keep the Right side happy...BUT...

...As the Left are convinced that doing all that will ultimately cause the planet to heat up faster, make sea levels rise and flood the land, increase the levels of toxic and poisonous chemicals in both the sea and the air thus making the earth uninhabitable for future generations...In order to make them happy i have decided not to produce any future generations! ok? That's my plan, I will prevent the suffering of future generations of my family by makinjg sure that they're aren't there in the first place. When i die then so does my families future. It's no longer my problem and I have no reason to feel guilty.

I advise you to consider doing the same, think about it for a second. How about instead of trying to fix a problem we don't understand whilst having no guarantees that it is repairable and we can reverse it...lets just call it a day on the human race, we had a good run and did very well for ourselves...NOW LET'S WRECK THE FUCKING PLACE AND RUNAWAY BEFORE THE NEW OWNERS GET HERE!!!!

All the best Richard "Apocolypse" Coughlan